Monday, February 18, 2008

I Feel a Rant Coming On...

Ok, I bought the new issue of Vogue Knitting, Winter 2007. See?

I am about to uncover a very alarming new trend here. Look at the picture to the right:

What do you see? Two models so undernourished they need to hold each other up before they collapse from starvation? Yeah, me too. What else?

Now look at this one. This is Ned. Ned the Piemaker from Pushing Daisies. Could it be? Is he the long lost twin of the model on the left? Maybe, except for the fact that she doesn't have enough strength to smile...

So I guess it must be true. Big eyebrows are back! But did they have to bring big sweaters with them? Back to the Vogue pic. Notice how the models are both awkwardly holding one shoulder up in the air? Are they trying to tell us someone forgot their shoulderpads? Hey, let's bring those back too! Happy 1985! I have long contended that the problem with Vogue Knitting is that they can't tell the difference between cutting edge and just plain scary. Allow me to prove my point.

As if the cover wasn't alarming enough, what about the knits in the magazine? I made a crocheted sweater very similar to this one,

style number 25, when I was in high school IN THE 1970's! I called it my "happy" coat. There was one difference though, I used prettier colors. And the tri-colored sweater on Ms. Eyebrows above? I had cast on for that one too, but never finished it. I was using Red Heart yarn in primary colors held together with a strand of black. It was hideous then, it is still hideous now, so why bring it back?

And how about this horror? I pity this model. Even though she is most likely as starved as the girls above, she looks positively nearly fed. And if a twig like her looks shapely in this sweater, can you imagine how a real person that eats food would look? It adds at least a good 20 pounds. Just what I'm looking for, YEAH BABY!

How about this one? I truly believe that they needed one more sweater for the magazine, and didn't have enough submissions. In a last minute crunch, they sent the gopher-guy out to find something to round out their winter collection, and when he found that all of the designer shops were closed, he ran into the Goodwill store and found this gem. Hey, and it was only $3.99, too!

Almost to the end of the issue. Don't look now but Ms. Eyebrows is back.

No, Vogue, I won't like it twice as much if you show it to me twice. She would look just as sweet with a brown paper grocery bag pulled down over her shoulders.

I was about to chuck the whole issue when this lovely model caught my eye. Wow, she has white hair, wrinkles, and she still won a place in the coveted Vogue magazine. But honestly, Vogue, did you really have to use her to perpetuate the myth that shawls are for grannies? You may as well have photographed her in a wheelchair at a nursing home, given your ugly stereotypic views of age. I would really have preferred to see her in the red grocery sack above. Now THAT would be cutting edge!

But I will hold on to this issue anyway, as there are also some lovely shawls from Cookie A. (who, by the way, is NOBODY'S Grandma!), Norah Gaughan and Annie Modesitt. Not to mention a whole article on knitting Elizabeth Zimmerman's Pi Shawl. I just love shawls, it must be because my hair is white. Right Vogue?
Happy knitting with Vogue...

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